Meeting Madeleine's Mystery Man
by StarBabii
Summary: Arthur and Francisque drop by Madeleine's place to meet their daughter's new man. He's… not quite what they were expecting. PruCan, FrUk, genderbending, AU. T for language and suggestive moments


**Title: Meeting Madeleine's Mystery Man**

**Summary: Arthur and Francisque drop by Madeleine's place to meet their daughter's new man. He's… not quite what they were expecting. PruCan, genderbending, AU**

**Warnings: PruCan, FrUk, Implied ChinaxAmerica, Genderbending, AU, bad singing, worse humor. **

**Disclaimer: Listen, sweetie, if I owned Hetalia, it wouldn't be legal in most countries. But nice try.**

**Birthday present for me and in celebration of the fact that PruCan has skyrocketed in popularity. Or maybe it hasn't... I was too busy reading CSI, Inception, and Criminal Minds crap to pay much attention.**

**Apologies for any mistakes.**

* * *

"Okay, well, I'm going to warn you, Gil is a bit… eccentric," Madeleine looked hesitantly up at her parents through her bangs.

Her parents, Englishman Arthur Kirkland and Madame Francisque Bonnefoy, stood before her, trying to see past her body in the doorway to attempt to see the new man in their lovely daughter's life.

Though they adored her in everyway possible, they often forgot about her, or just managed to look right past her. So, she'd been a little bit resentful, mainly since her college years when they'd forgotten to show up for her graduation, rightfully so.

Madeleine was a sweet and caring girl with a large heart (and a tendency to get over excited when it came to anything hockey), and, as her parents, Arthur and Francisque were going to make sure she caught herself the perfect man. No dirty loser was going to get their innocent little daughter.

They'd already partially given up on their other daughter, who'd run off to far away lands and married an Chinese boy after graduating high school. That whole ordeal had been such a gloomy reminder that they couldn't control their daughters, Arthur had taken his job of chasing off the men who came around to woo Madeleine extra seriously (how he managed to do that during college still baffled Madeleine to no end).

"I'm sure he's a fine boy," Arthur smiled forcefully, already plotting ways to get rid of the unwanted man.

Madeleine sighed shakily, not really sure how to put it. "Ah, well, he's-"

"Oh, is that music?" Francisque asked, gently pushing her daughter aside and strolling into her living room. Arthur followed, taking off his shoes and reminding his wife to do the same. "I know, I know, don't get me confused with yourself, mon lapin."

Only her mother could add a little term of endearment to the end of an insult without batting an eye.

Arthur grumbled darkly to himself as he took his wife's shoes and placed them and his own by the door.

"Artie, dear, stop talking to yourself. It makes you seem crazy." Francisque patted her husband on the shoulder before she looped her arm with her daughter's. "So, let's meet this 'awesome' man of yours."

"Um, uh-"

"He's been a proper gentlemen, yes?" Arthur asked, coming up to his daughter's other side.

"It's not-"

"He hasn't tried anything you didn't want him to, has he?" Francisque gently turned her daughter's head this way and that before letting go, apparently satisfied with the appearance of her face.

"N-no! Of course not, mom! But, like I'm trying to say-"

"His hasn't been hitting you? You know you can tell us, we'll take good care of you and bring you home. I know a good lawyer to help prosecute-"

"I don't think he deals with those kind of things, mon chéri."

"How do you know?"

"Well, we mainly went to him because you were being sued for-"

"So? Doesn't mean he wouldn't-"

"Maddie, dear, what is that dancing in your kitchen?" Francisque interrupted, pointing at the person, shaking their hips and belting out the lyrics of the song on the radio.

"T-t-t-tongues! Always pressed to your cheeks, while my tongue is on the inside of some other girl's teeth!" There, in the kitchen, dancing around with Daisy Dukes, an apron, a spatula, and no shirt, was "Gil".

"_Merde_," Madeleine whispered, very desperately wanting to turn tail and run. She'd wait out at the local bar and down a few lagers as she waited for everything to work itself out… or until she was able to get a hold of her sister, and beg to stay with her and Yao until things settled themselves.

"T-tell your boyfriend, if he says he's got beef, that I'm a vegetarian, and I ain't fuckin' scared of him!"

"Gil!" Madeleine screamed (well, as loud as someone whose normal speaking volume was equal to, or less than, a moth fluttering its wings), desperately trying to save what was rest of the other's dignity. Thankfully, she was heard.

"Oh, hey, birdie! Who are these stiffies?" Apparently, not interested about dignity.

"Birdie?"

"Stiffies?"

Madeleine whimpered lightly as she hung her head, "Theses… 'stiffies' would be my parents."

"Oh! Mr. and Mrs. Kirkland! Such a pleasure to finally meet you."

"Are you… 'Gil'?" Arthur asked, as his wife was near speechless (near, because she kept muttering in disjointed French). If this person was Gil, then there was something missing here. Or… added.

"Yes! I'm the awesome Gilberta Weillschmidt." The heavy German accent added to the creepiness that was his daughter's boyfriend- er, girlfriend? Arthur was definitely not pleased. Red-eyed, spiked white hair, and… breasts. With not shirt. And the fact that she didn't seem the least bit phased that.

"Gil, um, why don't you go put on a shirt?" Madeleine asked in a voice even quieter than her usual.

"But it's hot!" Gilberta whined.

"My parents are here."

"Alright, alright, only for you, though." Gilberta grinned widely as she pressed a kissed to the corner of Madeleine's lips, and bounded up the stairs in search for a tank top.

It was quiet for a few moments (save for the humming of Gilberta upstairs and the drone of the radio), before Arthur tried to speak. Emphasis on _tried_.

"Hmm. Y-you- ah, um. Gilberta is-… W-what? Ah, not… hm," and etcetera.

Francisque wasn't much better off. Staring wide-eyed and tight-lipped, she looked like she'd possibly faint any second. Madeleine was only able to stand there, hands fidgeting with her blouse as she traced the lines in the linoleum floor with her eyes.

They were all relatively silent (again, save for Arthur's stuttering and mumbled words) until Gilberta came back down the stairs, fitted into a clean white tank top.

"So, everyone ready for dinner?" Gilberta turned to go back into the kitchen and finish the meal she had been preparing.

"Y-yeah. I'll-I'll be right back to he-help you." Madeleine muttered as she turned to persuade her parents to go sit down in the dining room. Arthur moved with stiff, zombie-like motions and rapid blinking to the table. His wife was much more elegant in her motions, as it seemed she had managed to recover a bit. After seating her parents, Madeleine shuffled into the kitchen where she leaned herself against her partner.

"You okay, birdie?" Gilberta wrapped an arm around the other as she turned the wursts in the pan.

"That wasn't how it was supposed to go," Madeleine moaned, nudging her nose deeper into Gilberta's neck.

Gilberta smiled to herself before replying, "How was it supposed to go?"

There sizzling of the wursts echoed in the kitchen as she waited for Madeleine's explanation.

Madeleine cleared her throat, "Don't get mad, but… I guess… you were supposed to seem like a charming young man-"

Gilberta snorted indignantly.

"-and mama was supposed to love you at first sight. Dad was supposed be a bit angry at first and try to run you off, but eventually he'd learn to like you. Maybe you'd even be friends or something stupid." Madeleine sniffled, wrapping both her arms around Gilberta and burying her face into the crook of Gilberta's neck.

"Hey, don't worry about it. The awesome me can fix this." Gilberta grinned, ruffling her partner's hair playfully.

"Nngh," was Madeleine's reply.

* * *

After soothing her girlfriend's woes, Gilberta had sent her back to the dining room, where the silence was almost claustrophobic.

"So, um, she's 'Gil', then?" Francisque had had her fair share of bi-curious moments as a young adult, but had quickly righted herself when she got out of college. And her daughter just seemed to much of a people-pleaser and straight-laced girl to do something like date someone of the same sex.

"Y-yeah, that's Gil," Madeleine glanced cautiously at her mother as she said it, preparing for the worst. She twisted at the hem of her shirt, praying that she could convince her mother that Gilberta was a good person. She wouldn't even bother with her father, who was slumped forward on the table, head in his arms. Sometimes he could be such a whiny bitch-not that Madeleine would ever say that out loud.

"Where- um," Francisque cleared her throat, "where did you meet her?"

That was… neutral. "When I went to go visit Ally? L-last year. You remember, right?" Oh yes, Francisque remembered, there had been a lot of arguing about their runaway daughter not keeping in contact with them since her school years. Ally had gone off to San Francisco on a road trip after graduation and quickly fell in love with a man named Yao Wang. Since then, she'd refused any form of communication with her parents, and Madeleine had often been asked to exchange messages between the two parties. Last year, she went to stay with her sister for a year after she had graduated college. "Yeah, so-so Ally's sister-in-law's friend dragged me out to a bar. The friend, her name was Feliciana, was dating Gilberta's sister, and…"

"And?" Francisque wasn't exactly sure she wanted to know, but curiosity scarred the inquisitive mother.

"Well, we got to… um, dancing and- uh, it was nice to have someone flirting with me, so… we went out." Madeleine shrugged, giving her mother a sheepish smile.

"Hmm… oh, you said that… uh… Gilberta had a sister?"

"Yes, one. Her name is Louise. B-b-but everyone just calls her Lou."

"Oh, that… that's nice," Francisque nodded as she took a sip of her water. "So, you've been going out for about a year now?"

"We're actually engaged." That probably wasn't a good thing to say while her mother's mouth was full of water. Thankfully, there were enough napkins. "S-sorry!" Madeleine squeaked as she rushed to help her mother clean up the mess.

"No, no, I'm sorry. Um," they finished dabbing at the spill and Francisque turned to her daughter, "so, you are going to try to get married?"

"Um, yeah, actually… we have this fantasy that we'll got to Belgium and get married there and then travel around in Germany for a while to see some of Gilberta's family." Madeleine giggled lightly to herself and Francisque smiled at her daughter's naïveté.

"You'll send me an invitation, right?"

Madeleine stared wide-eyed at her mother, when she saw her mother starting to frown, she snapped back to reality, "U-um, yeah. Yes, of course. If-if you want," Madeleine absolutely ecstatic when her mother nodded. "That'd be great, mom."

"Dinner is served," Gilberta announced cheerily, as she carried a large pot which she set down in the center of the circular table. She then retreated back into the kitchen, only to return with a bottle of whiskey and glasses. After she set that down and poured some for everyone, she took her seat between Arthur and Madeleine.

"What are you doing?" Madeleine whispered harshly, glaring at a very proud-looking Gilberta. "My father is a pitiful man when he's drunk, you know that!"

"Exactly," Madeleine paled, Gilberta noticed and patted the other girl's knee. "Don't worry, birdie," Gilberta moved to rub Madeleine's thigh soothingly. "It's all part of my awesome plan."

"I just got my mother to be okay with this whole… _thing_," Madeleine glanced at her mother who was moving to lean in and whisper her own opinions.

"Don't worry about it, ma poulette," Francisque winked, grinning widely. "I love seeing Arthur drunk, it's hilarious." Francisque giggled lightly as she leaned back. "Besides, I want to let go a little myself."

"Oh, God," Madeleine whimpered as she watched her father, who was still a bit shook up about the whole "my daughter is dating a crazy _girl _who doesn't wear shirts when she cooks", take a swig of his drink. She could just feel that this wasn't going to end well.

* * *

A few more glasses and a meal later, Arthur was repeating stories of Madeleine's childhood as Francisque giggled girlishly at her husband's morbid expression and Madeleine hid her face in her hands.

"A-and, she-she never let the bear go." Arthur blubbered, tracing the rim of his glass. "In… in fact, I bet she st-stil has it by her bed-bedside."

Gilberta smiled warmly as she poured more whiskey into his glass. "So that's what it's called? She can never remember."

"I-I do, too!" Gilberta rose an eyebrow at her girlfriend, who was blushing madly next to her mother who was laughing like a maniac behind her napkin.

"Sure, bird-"

There was the dull thump and then a silent pause before raucous laughter echoed from the floor. Madeleine sighed heavily and hid her head back in her hands.

"Mom, do you need help up?" In reply to Madeleine's offer, Francisque giggled out a "no, I'm fine" before continuing her laugh attack on the ground.

"Hey, how about we all settle down for the night? I'll clean up the dishes." Gilberta offered, pleasantly grinning while trying to hold back the giggling bubbling up in her chest.

"I help," Madeleine hurriedly pushed her chair back, and stood up starting to collect the dishes.

"Do you guys need any help getting to the guest room?"

"N-no, I'll get Arthur," Francisque attempted to quell her giddiness as she stood up and made her way to Arthur.

"Are you sure your parents can make it there?" Gilberta asked Madeleine quietly as she followed Madeleine into the kitchen.

"No, but I really don't feel like helping them."

"You're so heartless, birdie."

"Bite me," Madeleine scoffed, glaring over her shoulder as she set her plates in the kitchen.

Gilberta made a growling noise in the back of her throat, and gnashed her teeth together playfully at Madeleine, a grin twisting the edge of her lips up.

Madeleine chuckled at Gilberta's antics and left to get more dishes and check on her inebriated parents.

* * *

"I can't believe your parents are making out on the couch," Gilberta complained as she pulled her shirt over her head.

"You weren't the one who had to see your old man's hand up your mother's shirt." Madeleine unbuttoned her jeans, quickly taking them off and tossing them in the hamper.

Gilberta made a gagging sound as she took off her own pants. "Ew, did not need that in my mind."

Madeleine laughed, pulling open the dresser drawer. Before she had a chance to grab a pajama shirt, she felt Gilberta's chest against her back and her hair was swept to one side as the exposed skin was kissed tenderly. Without batting an eye, Madeleine jabbed Gilberta lightly in the abdomen. "My parents are downstairs, Gil."

"Hey, hey, hey, I wasn't going to do anything like that." Gilberta smiled against the skin of Madeleine's shoulder blade, wrapping her arms around Madeleine's midsection. "I'm not _that _horny."

Madeleine snorted in disbelief. "Can I put my shirt on then?"

Gilberta hummed against her neck, "No… but you can take that bra off-"

"Bad, Gil," another jab, a bit stronger this time, to her abdomen.

"Again, heartless, birdie. Heartless," Gilberta whimpered, backing off and climbing into her side of the bed like a dog with its tail between its legs.

"Y'know, that whiskey trick of yours didn't work at all on my father. He's only going to be embarrassed and be constantly thinking you did something like that to me." Madeleine crawled into her own side and curled up against Gilberta.

"So? It was still funny." She giggled, earning her a poke in the side. "Sorry, sorry, but I think your mother and I really bonded." Gilberta draped an around Madeleine's waist.

"All you did was talk about celebrities you thought were hot and old French films."

"What? I'm sorry I have good taste," Gilberta scoffed theatrically. Another poke to the side.

"You're pathetic, Gil."

"But you love me, birdie."

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up and go to sleep, we have my father's hangover to deal with tomorrow."

* * *

The next day, Francisque and Arthur left in a hurry, Arthur, visibly embarrassed after the night before, mainly hid in the car after he accepted the coffee and painkillers. He avoided eye contact as he muttered his apologies before going off to sulk in the car. His wife was much better off, smiling gratefully at her daughter and her daughter's partner as they exchanged small conversation and eventually pleasant goodbyes. As Arthur sat glumly in passenger seat of the car, sipping at his coffee and waiting for his wife, Francisque hugged her daughter and then turned to Gilberta.

She vaguely wondered if the woman was going to punch her in the face, but she merely smiled and pulled Gilberta into a hug.

"You're okay, just," Francisque lowered her voice until Gilberta had to strain to hear it. "Hurt my daughter in any way, and I will disfigure you so bad, not even your _mother_ will be able to love you."

Gilberta kept her cool, nodding and smiling as Francisque released her from her grasp.

As Madeleine and Gilberta watched the car pull out from the driveway, Gilberta shuddered as Francisque briefly locked eyes with her.

"You mother is fuckin' creepy, birdie."

"You should've seen her when she chased off my Russian ex-boyfriend."

**

* * *

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A/N:

**I'm kind of thinking of doing a prequel one-shot where I write more about Yao and Ally's interaction and their meeting, and maybe about Madeleine's stay and her meeting with Gilberta. Meh, maybe, maybe not.**

**This is sooo old. I found this buried beneath mounds of smut and never-to-be-finished femslash!PruCan (seriously, it's like all I write nowadays, WTF?) Hahaha… haha… ha- -headdesk-**

**Anywho, I wanted to get something out before I got to my two week camp… THE ONLY THING WE ARE ALLOWED TO SPEAK THERE IS GERMAN. I am going to die a very painful and embarrassing death. I mean, I know basics… but not enough to hold a conversation. "orz**

… **I need some sleep... after I finish packing.**

**Cheers.**


End file.
